12.7.12 | 0 comment(s)
Hi, blog's been dead for quite some time now. Well, here's a super long post for KARMEN QUEK since its her birthday tomorrow and I can't celebrate it so just take this as a present first lah k. :b I'll get you something else when we go out next time. hehe. :3
So, first of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY KARMEN QUEK!!! officially 16th eh. we finally same age dy, now waiting for eshin only. :b
We've known each other since std 3 right? or std 2? sorry, bad memory here. Hehe. Had a lot of dramas in primary school but hey, we were young right? EH! CHOI CHOI CHOI, we FOREVER young. hahaha. You were always the mature one among the 3 of us. & I'm forever the one with lotsa trouble and the most dependant one altho I'm the "eldest" among us three, Form 1 that time, damn alot of problems with me kan, sorry for making you and eshin worry and thanks for putting up with my shits. :')
Then it was form 2, I've never got use to life without you and eshin, even now. I still hope I can be in the same school with you & eshin. but yea, I've grown stronger and more independant, I've learnt to be less dependant on you. Bet you're damn proud of me kan? :b
We can barely meet up with each other, and we hardly have gatherings, but the heartwarming thing is, everytime we meet up, there wouldn't be a moment of awkwardness between us, guess that's what they call true friendship eh? to be honest, to me, the three of us aren't only bestfriends, we're more like a family. :)
We've been through so much together and I no one can understand. Everytime I need someone, you will be there. WHAT LA KARMEN, WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
I know you have problems in school also, I'm sorry I couldn't help much, but here's a promise to you, no matter what time of the day, as long as you need someone, you know what number to call. :)
Nah, here's a song I dedicate to you for you birthday. :)
一个人的晚餐 无聊寂寞
两个朋友能开心的直说
三个人可以 给你勇气
可以安慰你的失落
异口同声地说
因为有你 染上新的幽默
（新的幽默）
也因为有你 世界变得轻松
（变得轻松）
我们呢 属于 非常难得
所以尽情 大声 唱歌
分享 每一 分钟
我们拥有一个真心的朋友
（我们是真心的朋友）
就算有风 吹不走我们感动
（吹不走我们的感动）
真的希望你能够永远快乐
你懂我（你懂我） 不用说（不用说）
最想看见彼此的笑容
heiye~~如果能带走乌云的天空
（你带走乌云的天空）
爬到云端 我陪你继续做梦
（爬到云端 我陪你做梦）
好想每天陪你看日出日落
你值得 交换我
一辈子最想要完成的~~~美梦
两个朋友能开心的直说
三个人可以 给你勇气
可以安慰你的失落
异口同声地说
因为有你 染上新的幽默
（新的幽默）
也因为有你 世界变得轻松
（变得轻松）
我们呢 属于 非常难得
所以尽情 大声 唱歌
分享 每一 分钟
我们拥有一个真心的朋友
（我们是真心的朋友）
就算有风 吹不走我们感动
（吹不走我们的感动）
真的希望你能够永远快乐
你懂我（你懂我） 不用说（不用说）
最想看见彼此的笑容
heiye~~如果能带走乌云的天空
（你带走乌云的天空）
爬到云端 我陪你继续做梦
（爬到云端 我陪你做梦）
好想每天陪你看日出日落
你值得 交换我
一辈子最想要完成的~~~美梦
Don't gam dong till cry k. :b HAHA.
LOVE YOU KARMEN QUEK. <3 <3
Happy Mother's day. :)
13.5.12 | 0 comment(s)
Happy mother's day to all the beautiful moms out there. & to my mom, I LOVE YOU MOMMY. :) <3 words can't describe how much I love you. HAPPY MOTHER's DAY MOM. In the month of April.
7.4.12 | 0 comment(s)
Hi guys, its april. :3 my favourite month of the year besides december. Have been busy lately, with studies, cheer pratices, and guitar, piano. Litnight practices started already. everyone's so busy now.
Life's better now. I learnt to live through shits and learn to get over shits and people. moodswings hit me less now. I wouldn't call myself happy now but its better than how I was a week ago. & I'm beyond grateful for that.
Happy april, people. :)
*13 more days to sweet 16. <3
But I'm still holding on for dear life.
14.3.12 | 0 comment(s)
我不知道你会不会读到这篇部落。不过我要你懂，我还很想你。
那天，你问我还喜欢你吗，我说不喜欢了。我在说谎，我还很喜欢你，不是，是爱，我还很爱你。你不懂我多想告诉你。可是，你喜欢她。那个什么都比我好的她。我不要阻碍你，不要你顾虑我。所以我放开了，让你走了。那时候，我痛得快死了，你不懂吧。其实，我只是不会爱你。
其实，我明白的。看看我，再看看她。谁都会选择她吧。她比我好。我嫉妒她。不过，算了吧，在那次以后，我懂不可能了。
那天，我们一起出去。多像七月十五号那天。还记得七月十五号吗？不记得了吧？我们第一次的约会。 可是这时的我们，熟悉得太陌生。你一直在说她的事。我微笑听着。我的心却不懂死了多少回了。
看你为了她伤心，说你只想要她快乐。我是一样的心情。我也只要你快乐。现在，对我来说，那最重要了。不管是不是为了我，只要你开心，我什么都可以，真的。
我放手让你走了。可是，记得，只要你不开心，需要人陪的时候，我都在。我不会离开的。我会一直在这里等。或许是想守护你，或许是在等机会吧，我其实也不懂。只是习惯了等你。
不过，请你谅解我的大方只能这样而已。我真的不能在你说她的时候，一直假装开心。对不起，我真的不能。对不起。
第一次，我第一次这么认真的。 因为我相信你是对的那一个。不过，你还是离开了。我不是没有想过的，我只是她的代替品。不过，我们的回忆是唯一支撑着我的。所以，那些多么有可能的东西，我都不要理了。我有我们的回忆，还有，至少我们还是朋友，不是吗。 这样就够了。我可以的。只要你好，我什么都可以。所以，你要幸福。
带着你的自由离开吧。 如果可以，得空的时候，想想我好吗。一下也无所谓的。
我会想你的。也会把我们的回忆保存得好好的。
带着你的自由离开吧。 如果可以，得空的时候，想想我好吗。一下也无所谓的。
我会想你的。也会把我们的回忆保存得好好的。
Things about me.
19.2.12 | 0 comment(s)
1. I'm a mess. & I'm really sorry that I am.
2. I'm weak. I'm not strong, never strong, physically & mentally. The word strong and me will never ever fit.
3. I take little things people say seriously, sometimes way too seriously. Little things people say might keep me up all night crying.
4. I still remember my childhood nightmares, I always remember nightmares but I'll never remember sweet dreams. Actually, I never really had sweet dreams.
5. I love my family. So much I'd give up anything for them.
6. I love my bestfriend, alot.
7. I HATE MYSELF. I hate the girl I always see in the mirror, for being sucha bitch, sucha whore. sometimes I just feel like jumping off a cliff. well, not sometimes, pratically everytime.
8. I look down on myself, for having scars on my hand. for letting people look down on me, for letting people push me around.
9. I don't smile often. I'm not happy often. I'm only happy around my family and bestfriend & that's why I'm always taken granted and always judged.
10. I don't deserve to exist. I really don't.
Valentine's day? HA HA HA.
12.2.12 | 0 comment(s)
My cousins' kids. OMG, SHO CUTE I CAN'T EVEN..
Next Tuesday's valentine's day and everyone's like HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY & busy making gifts for their valentine, and I'm here like HI, I LOVE CUPCAKES. but anyways, Happy valentine's day to all the people who are celebrating out there.
;
2012, I HATE YOU. You've been a serious bitch. I dont care if you just started or whatever, I'm judging you & you suck! 2012 is by far the worst year ever. I can't wait for 2014 to be here and I'll be officially outta school.TIME, WHY YOU FLY SO SLOW. I hate my class, I WANT 3A4 back, I want 2011 back. altho shits happened last year but at least its so much more better than this year. seriously, Fuck highschool, fuck life. Thank god for le bestfriend/bitch. Can't imagine school without her.
Tomorrow's monday. another fucking week in school. ugh. be right back while I go cry a river.
Chinese New Year. (:
25.1.12 | 0 comment(s)
GONG XI FA CAI!
Me iz chinese and me celebrate Chinese New Year. K, retarded. :B I NO CNY MOOD DIZ YEAR LAH! D: probably CNY arrived too fast. :/ Oh well.. Went back to Melaka like EVERY year and BORE THE SHIT OUTTA MYSELF. :B went jongker street, in the morning tho so there's not much stuff to do there. I dont know why but I got this something for jongker street since the first time I went there, its like the fun-est part of Melaka. :b k, moving on.
ITS WEDNESDAY! school's starting in like what? 4 FUCKING DAYS! stupit school, stupit life, stupit short holidays. ): Now imma just get as much angpaus as I can and win as much cash as I can. :B chinese new year resolution? STAY AWAY FROM TROUBLE. (:
that's about it.
ITS WEDNESDAY! school's starting in like what? 4 FUCKING DAYS! stupit school, stupit life, stupit short holidays. ): Now imma just get as much angpaus as I can and win as much cash as I can. :B chinese new year resolution? STAY AWAY FROM TROUBLE. (:
that's about it.
k. bye.
22.1.12 | 0 comment(s)
So it's Cny new year eve. And my mood is totally fucked up, I don't know why. Oh god, I miss you so much it hurts. All those good morning and good night texts, don't you miss them? I miss you, the old you, I miss us, the old us. Not the now us, the us that couldn't even have a conversation without a few awkward pauses. Gee, what is wrong with me.
So pissed with some bitches these days. Dah lah kata I captain kan, so I'm suppose to give the instructions, not you. Ye ye, kau dalam panthers, bla bla bla, but please don't forget, I didn't fail the audition, I DIDN'T WANT TO JOIN, so don't berlagak in front of me k. Don't push me to the stage where I wouldn't give a fuck to anything you do, don't get me to that stage. If you wanna be captain so badly, I could give it to you, don't act all mr goodie in front of me and be something else k.
Moodswing. Ugh. Make it go away.
Cousins. (:
1.1.12 | 0 comment(s)
the twin cousins' 21st birthday party. (: yea, I know I look old in the pictures. :B oh well.
yea, it didnt go on that well, aunties all started making fun of me cos I couldnt tahan & actually be a vegetarian for a month. was laughing & laughing tho I dont see whats so funny of me eating meat again. lul. dah lah I show face that I dont like dy kan, still wanna continue. I GOT FEELINGS TOO K. even mom was laughing. bagus ah. almost cried there, yea, I'm very weak, bla bla bla, try being laughed at by your own family members in front of all your cousins, imagine how embarassing is that. & i go through the fucking same thing since I was small. and everybody was congratulating me on getting 7A's. K. that one really made me wanna cry. I damn dissapointed I got 7A and everybody congratulating me & even gave me angpau and all. gosh, I felt like they were sympathizing me or something. altho I know they didnt mean it that way.
yea, I know its no big deal and all but, to me, its a fucking big deal k. serious. kan dah feel left out with friends, now with cousins too? fuck ah. .__.
k, should stop, this post is suppose to be about my cousins' birthday party. Lul. I found out my cousin sis had a boyfie for a year & only now I know. anyways, congratulations. (: oh oh, & my cousin bro's girlfie very cute. she very pretty also. (: keep comparing her height with me. XD
anyways, today wasnt the best 1st january yet but yea, wasnt that bad, kan dah biasa of being left out.
Happy 2012.
Happy New Year, Bitches.
countdown? me? nah, forever alone. (: went for supper with aunty & mommy & their friend. wanted to have crab but that restaurant we went to takde, so went to restaurant B, also takde, then restaurant C, not open. Lul. so went back to restaurant A. :B after supper, went back gramma house countdown with brother. the fireworks were super pretty. (: then came home and watch teevee awhile then went tidur. the saddest part of my last night of 2011, MY MOM GOT MORE NEW YEAR MESSAGES THEN ME. I ONLY GOT ONE FROM MY LOVELY WIFE. oh, what is life. .__. other then that, my new years eve was pretty alright.
woke up this morning and went midvalley, wanted to get my ipad jailbreak-ed but yea.. the iOS5 version isn't out yet or something like that. ugh. & then came home, on twitter, & realise there's a 7.0 magnitude earthquake in Japan. ON THE 1ST OF JANUARY?! SERIOUSLY?! GIVE THEM A BREAK LAH. Stay strong, Japan.
So, new year resolutions? stay outta trouble, stay outta dramas, avoid bitches, have the bestest year with my family and my wifey.
Gonna head to gramma house later for my twin cousins' 21st birthday party. (: So happy belated birthday & Happy new year, cousins. :B
& again, be good to me, 2012.
Goodbye, 2011.
30.12.11 | 0 comment(s)
1 and a half day till 2011 ends. Well, I just wanted to say I didn't regret much for this year. I gained a lot but lost more at the same time. But I didn't regret any of those. 2011 was somehow the greatest yet worst year for me. I'm really thankful to those who came in my life & made it awesome, no matter where you are now, or who are you with now, I'm happy you were once in my life. I will remember those moments.
& to my best friend / wifey, charmaine, who is only 10 days older then me but act like she's 3, thank you bitch, you were the highlight of my 2011 life, thanks for always being there for me, I'm never letting you go, you're stuck with me for life. I love you & I know you love me too. :B and to my haters & To you people, yea, you know I'm talking abt you whores, I HATE YOU! Don't care how smart or how popular or how pretty you are, your fucking attitude sucks shit, and thats what make you ugly. But still, thank you for making me stronger, & I finally realize how much a whore you guys make. Thanks for looking down on me, making my life shitty. When come 2012, I'm not gonna hate you guys anymore & im not gonna try to fit in or impress you guys, cos 2011 made me realize I live for myself & not to please others.
To my family, I love you guys, a lot, more then I love my life. Although sometimes, you piss me off, although sometimes I feel like running away, although sometimes I make you mad, although I always throw my temper to you guys, but I do that because I know you guys are the only ones who wouldnt leave me no matter how I am or who I am or what I've become, you always say, no more second chance, but when I fucked up the first chance, there'll always be a second chance, I always feel safe with you, when I'm at home. I love you, and when come 2012, I'll love you more.
Goodbye 2011, I'll miss you.
Hello 2012, let's hope I won't fuck it up.
10.12.11 | 0 comment(s)
I just wanna be like other girls, to have that someone they love, love them back, have best friends to tell everything to & not feel looked down at when they're with their friends just because of their past. but unfortunately, those look so impossible for me. because of my past, because of those scars, because of what I've done, I can be nothing like them. sometimes, I hate myself so much I just wanna grab that blade & start cutting. But then I realise, if I do that, I will lose what I only have left, my family. I don't wanna feel the same way I feel around my friends when I'm with them. they're like the only thing I have left, the only people that make me feel like I exist for a reason.
It has been an entire year since I lived under the scars & what they think of me. the way they talk to me, like I don;t deserve to exist. it hurts like fck, but then again, they don't care how I feel, does it help telling them, but I still did, they continued. they don't know how it feels, cos they don't have the past I have, couldn't blame them I guess. & since then, I stayed away. trying to avoid going outings with them, not hanging out with them in school. I just wanted to be alone. to have sometime alone. cos the only person that won't hurt me, is me. others judge, even they dont know you. they just don't care. because you don't do things the way they do, & that's why they won't accept you. not even if you tried to fit in, not even you tried so hard you forgotten who you really are. THEY JUST DONT CARE.
I guess that's how all human are.
1.12.11 | 0 comment(s)
ok. back to update. (: cos I've sign up for nuffnang lately & I really need my readers to help me click the nuffnang ad on top. saw it? yea, CLICK IT. (: thank you.
Have been working lately. I want another job lah. D: my job now kinda boring. I just sit there & play with my lappie. I literally got nothing to do. .__. don't even feel like I am working. I wanna go work at GSC, boutiques & shops like that, guess what mommy said. ITS NOT GOOD FOR YOU TO HAVE THIS KIND OF EXPOSURE AT THIS AGE. ok. cool. (: I shall go work & bored the fuck outta myself. (:
Have been watching forensic heroes for the past few days & finished it today. & I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE NOW. .__. you know the feeling when you finish doing something & suddenly dont know what to do with your life anymore? yea, I'm having that feeling now. D: won't be long till I start digging around for food again. ): & because of that, I have to start my exercising plan. GAHH. LAZY TAU. :/
well, went out with Maine & my brother to watch breaking dawn & puss in boots. all I can say for breaking dawn is OOOHHH-EMMM-GEEEEE. AWESOME TO DA MAX. :D rob's cute, kristen's pretty, taylor's hot. well, what can I say, they are AWESOME. (: my loves mar. :b proud to be a twilight fan. to those haters out there, YOUR LIFE IS MEANINGLESS. (: puss in boots was well, cute. (: yesterday was well spent. (:
Today's first of december & I'm already suffering. .__. had my period pain at work today. D: LOL, so much for december be nice to me. (: I do pray tomorrow will be better. (: Can't wait for mua pmr results & CHRISTMAS. :D santa claus, if you really exist, all I want for christmas is for that person to be happy. (: thank you.
k. thats all. bye.
19.11.11 | 0 comment(s)
That's MUA wife. (: she came to my house & then we went to the wedding dinner together. (: Dont really have stuff to blog about. so I guess that's it for now. k. bye.
14.11.11 | 0 comment(s)
This post is actually to show how much I'm into Paris & tumblr. Jk. This post existed cos I'm bored. but, I still am very much in love with Paris & tumblr. I basically am alive cos of them, well, besides sleeping & teevee. k. I'm crapping, sorry to whoever is reading this. so back to this post, well, I dont have a subject, I just feel like talking. but no one's here to listen & so I figured that this could be a good spot for me. so here's the thing.
I miss you. Alot. Alot. Alot. I know its not right to miss you, I know I should move on with my fucking life & be happy. well, fuck those. I miss you. I miss talking to you, miss web-caming, miss smiling for no reason. well, yea, you get idea, I just miss you. you know what's the saddest part? I'm no more a part of your life. well, that's just it. I think I shouldn't continue.
k. moving on, well, I dont really have anything to blog about. Like literally nothing. I really need to get a life. I'm sucha computer geek. I do nothing else but tetris & teevee. I feel unwanted. LOL. right, I always am. Dying would make me feel good now. or maybe. crying. oh no, I prefer dying. k. crapping again. should stop now.
oh, gramma's still sick. D: God bless her.
that's all for now. k. bye.
13.11.11 | 0 comment(s)
back from karmen's house. home sweet home. (: so I went off to karmen's about 6.30 yesterday. & when I reached I got this sudden urge to just get back into the car & GO STRAIGHT HOME. haha. not that I was unwilling to go but I was super nervous. but I made it anyway. it was super awkward at first, everybody was like doing their own stuff. but yea, turned out to be pretty fun at the end. the gathering was boring though. Blame andrew, he was the organiser. you biggest fail-er alive lah. :B Karmen's dad sponsored us the pizza, thank you uncle. (:
the highlight of the night was the sleepover, but we were so sleepy & the mood wasnt there, yea, blame andrew. :b we were lying on the bed talking talking talking, wanted to sleep but was too hungry, so went downstairs & cooked maggie at 2 in the morning, (Y) satisfaction. :D but was more sleepy after I was full. :B finally eshin couldn't tahan & fell asleep. so talked & talked non-stop with karmen till 5.30 in the morning & woke up at 12.30. :D wanted to go watch movie today, but failed. stupid tuition of karmen's. zhor ju sai. :b
had quite a fun time. But honestly, it wasnt how I wanted or imagined it to be. I imagined me being able to talk & all. but yea, I completely couldn't understand what they were saying at first. well, I guess time changes people alot. everybody have their own life now & grown up so much. & I really miss being a kid. so simple & un-complicating, everything was like heaven to me. but right now, nothing is the same anymore. guess time passes, & people change.
that's all for now. k. bye.
12.11.11 | 0 comment(s)
Hello. (: Decided to reopen my blog. had left it dead for quite some time now. (: well, life wasn't good for the past few months. but I guess I'll survive considering 2011 is already coming to an end now. probably all the unhappy moments will end too. I'm strong.
So about today, hmm.. Attended interact year end party today. It wasn't as fun as I expected. Only played 2 games through the whole party which seem kinda pathetic to me, just saying. Lol. the first one was, find your partner which basically you have to do all the crazy stuff they want you to do with your partner. well, my partner was vivi & we didn't really bother about the game. Couldn't recall what was the 2nd game but it had something to do with Alice in the Wonderland. we survived till top ten then dropped out. haha. we just didn't give a fuck. (:
Tomorrow would be a busy day for me, tuition in the morning, guitar class in the afternoon & gathering at Karmen's house in the evening. Can't wait for the gathering. Miss Karmen & eshin. D:
Oh, & gramma's really sick now. D: God bless her.
